8. Off balance

Many years ago - I was maybe 22? - I drove a friend of mine back to her home way out in the suburbs of this great metropolis. I can't remember what we'd been doing but she was quite pleased to have the lift, and I was happy to drive and chat. It was my first or second car, a 20 year old Galant, I think, which still had miles on the speedo, and multi-coloured panels from different bits of work. It was dusk as I drove through Castle Hill, and was pulled over by police - the little siren behind, flashing headlights. Two young police officers came out and started finding defects - I think it was practice for the rookie. The senior one leaned in at my window and told me that one of my brake-lights wasn't working, and I shouldn't be driving. Where was I going? I replied, dignified, that I was just driving my lady-friend home, she lives nearby.

Last year G and her girlfriend A were in Perth, visiting G's old auntie. They'd taken her out to the cafe near her nursing home and looked at the menus, and G had gone to the counter to order. Oh, we don't have those today, sorry. Oh, okay. Well, what about the pasta? Oh no, we're out of that. I could make you some sandwiches. Well, said G, I don't know! I don't know whether my luncheon companions will want sandwiches. I'll have to check with them!

Michael's workmate Waz is a salt-of-the-earth bloke, middle-aged, bearded, likes his cricket. He and his missus were out shopping one day, he needed a new pair of boardies. They were in Quiksilver or Surf Dive n Ski or somewhere like that and a beautiful willowy young man had come up asking if he needed help, and smiled. Waz said he didn't need help, thanks very much, he was just looking for a swimming costume. His wife laughed.